Overview
At KWoA we don't have rules (which are often used for bludgeoning others), but rather agreements to which we mutually hold each other accountable. These agreements help us to form a strong, safe container that can hold the work we do.
Agreements
- Safety: I will be responsible for my own safety and others', both on a physical, psychological and spiritual level. Do not come to the meeting under the influence of alcohol or recreational drugs.
- Confidentiality: I can share freely any concepts and processes learned, as well as my own work, and I will not share or discuss anyone else's work with anyone unless I have a man’s permission to do so. The only exception is legally mandated reporting. No recording meetings.
- Five primary feelings: I will use Mad, Sad, Glad, Fear, Shame
- Language: I will speak cleanly and adhere to the Language and Communication guidelines.
- Right to Pass: I can pass on any process, either temporarily (in which case I'll be given a second opportunity to participate) or permanently.
- Attendance and Attention: I will be on time. I will stay for the meeting in its entirety. I will participate by doing my own work and helping others to do their work.
- Permission: I will ask before processing or touching another person. Sometimes permission is implied; however, each man retains the right to refuse unwanted facilitation or physical contact.
- Judgements and Projections: I will own my judgements and projections.
- Shaming or Moralizing: I will avoid making shame statements about or applying my moral views to others in the circle. Instead, I will own these as my projections. I will avoid using the words “should” and “why”.
- Advice: Advice serves the advice giver. Advice is a projection. It can also be a form of rescue. Advice never leads to a physical Truth Response; it risks robbing a man of the opportunity to discover his own truth. Advice is only given if asked for.
- Story: I will focus on what's really going on. I will not dance around the subject, rehash prior work, put on a show/performance, or spend a long time getting to the point. Be authentic.
- Rescue: Someone else’s discomfort or distress is making me uncomfortable and I want it to stop, therefore I do something that “rescues” him from that discomfort (e.g., touching, verbally comforting, or handing him tissues, except at his request). Rather than rescue, I will sit and hold space for the man.
- Shadow Watching: I will watch for Shadows (my own and others') that may be disrupting the circle, especially from leaders/facilitators, and call them out when I see them.
- Accountability: I agree to be held accountable to these agreements by the circle.
- Phones off/silent: I will turn my phone off or leave it on silent for the entirety of the meeting.
- Recital: The man tells the same story again and again. Repetition is not work.
- Chapel cost: I will contribute towards venue cost